Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
