Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize