i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
