Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
