I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
