Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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