My hand turned me down
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
