thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
