I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
two words: eviction party
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
