I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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