FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
