he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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