Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
