Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
