just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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