The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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