Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
