i just wanna soil my oats bro
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I need to calm my uterus...
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