i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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