I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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