I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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