I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
