How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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