I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
