went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
