I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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