I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
