I'm eating all of the evidence.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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