just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had to cum in my sink.
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