my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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