I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize