i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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