Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
