So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize