lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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