So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
