I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Green mimosas i think yes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
