Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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