i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
