Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize