I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
