white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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