Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
