All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
