Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
