you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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