Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
