Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
