Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
