Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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