May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
