Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
