Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
