so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
