My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
