dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
