dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize