i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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