she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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