Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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