I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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