James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
