im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
