is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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