sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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