Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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