tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
