conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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