4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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