You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
