she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
