So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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