The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
