I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
