how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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