my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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