I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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