FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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