I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
