dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
