I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
