I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
