my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So I just went to clothing optional bar
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
