Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
