is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
