dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
