It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
