She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am one with the molecules
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
