Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
