Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
