Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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