Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
