So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
