I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
