I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
