dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This house was built for laser tag.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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