I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
