She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
