everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Watching her eat just hurts me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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