mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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