Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize