sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
