i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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