What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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