I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
